Many women suffer silently with infertility and loss, keeping their pain to themselves and walking through their grief alone. Some have started sharing their stories to encourage other women in similar situations that they’re not alone.
Even those who spend their time in the limelight experience the same sort of sorrows, as Carrie Underwood has proven after speaking out about her own journey with loss.
After Underwood and her husband Mike Fisher welcomed their first son Isaiah into the world, they were eager to add to their family — but it didn’t happen the way they’d hoped.
“I’d kind of planned that 2017 was, you know, going to be the year that I work on new music, and I have a baby,” Underwood said on CBS Sunday Morning in 2018. “We got pregnant early 2017, and didn’t work out.”
She said it was difficult, but after the first loss she accepted that it wasn’t God’s will for them to have that child.
“Okay, God, we know this is, just wasn’t Your timing,” she recalled thinking. “And that is all right. We will bounce back and figure our way through it.”
But two more pregnancies and miscarriages later, and Underwood was beginning to ask questions.
“So, at that point, it was just kind of like, ‘Okay, like, what’s the deal? What is all of this?'”
“I had always been afraid to be angry,” she added. “Because we are so blessed. And my son, Isaiah, is the sweetest thing. And he’s the best thing in the world. And I’m like, ‘If we can never have any other kids, that’s okay, because he’s amazing.'”
“And I have this amazing life. Like, really, what can I complain about? I can’t. I have an incredible husband, incredible friends, an incredible job, an incredible kid. Can I be mad? No.”
“And I got mad.”
After three lost pregnancies, Underwood got pregnant again — but at one point, she was sure she was losing the baby. And it was in that moment of weakness and despair, when she finally got very honest with God, that she feels like He answered her prayer.
“Mike was away just for the evening, and I texted him, and I was like, ‘I don’t really want to be alone, so I’m just gonna go snuggle with Isaiah.’ And I don’t know how I didn’t wake him up, but I was just sobbing. And I was like, ‘Why on Earth do I keep getting pregnant if I can’t have a kid? Like, what is this? Shut the door. Like, do something. Either shut the door or let me have a kid.'”
“And for the first time, I feel like I actually I told God how I felt. And I feel, like, we’re supposed to do that. That was like a Saturday — and the Monday I went to the doctor to, like, confirm, another miscarriage. And they told me everything was great!”
“And I was like, ‘You heard me.’ Not that He hasn’t in the past. But maybe, I don’t know, He heard me.”
Now, Underwood and Fisher have a beautiful little boy named Jacob that they’ve added to their family. He just turned 1 year old, and Underwood shared photos of him eating his smash cake along with a caption highlighting her thankfulness for his life.
“Happy birthday, Jacob!” she posted on Instagram. “How are you already 1 year old? You are smiley, crazy, smart, soooo fast and into everything! And, apparently, you love cake! I can’t wait to see your personality continue to shine! I have a good feeling you’re going to keep us all on our toes for years to come!”
“I thank God for you each and every day. You are truly our miracle baby!!!”
“Mommy loves you! Swipe to see how cute the cake was before Jake got ahold of it!”
Underwood’s story is a good reminder to everyone that we can bare our souls to God, and He will often answer our prayers in surprising ways even when we least expect it.
This article appeared originally on The Western Journal.